Understanding Attachment Styles and Their Impact on Relationship Health

By Your Health Magazine

Your Health Magazine

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Understanding Attachment Styles and Their Impact on Relationship Health

Curious why some relationships succeed while others fail?

One word…

Attachment Styles.

Attachment Styles are the root cause of most failed relationships. They determine how we react to our partner when we fight, how we show them affection, and how we communicate needs.

Knowing about attachment styles is:

• Free
• Simple
• Life changing when you apply it to your relationship.

What you’ll discover:

• What Are Attachment Styles?
• How Attachment Styles Impact Relationships
• The 4 Attachment Styles
• How Marriage Counseling Can Help Fix Attachment Issues

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles lay out the general blueprint that a person follows when they are in a romantic relationship.

Your attachment style is developed throughout your childhood and is based on how you interacted with your parents. Your attachment style stays with you into adulthood and affects every relationship you ever have.

Here’s the issue…

Many people don’t know their attachment style. They let their attachment style control how they argue with their partner. They let it control how they say “I love you”. They let it control how they react to their partner.

A recent YouGov article stated that only 38% of Americans describe themselves as having a secure attachment style. If only 38% of adults have a secure attachment style, then there are tons of people in relationships controlled by insecure attachment styles.

Mind blown?

It should be. If you really think about it, you know couples that are dealing with this.

That’s why so many people go to marriage counseling. When you go to marriage counseling, you can pinpoint your attachment style and learn how to combat the negative aspects of your style.

How Attachment Styles Impact Relationships

Everything a couple does can be traced back to their attachment style.

How they argue with each other? Attachment.

How they show affection? Attachment.

How they communicate with each other? You guessed it.

Attachment.

When two people with different attachment styles interact, it creates a vicious cycle.

Person A may have an anxious attachment style which causes them to constantly seek reassurance from their partner. Person B may have an avoidant attachment style which causes them to withdraw whenever their partner tries to get close.

This back and forth is why most couples end up in a crisis situation.

Here’s what that looks like in practice.

When both people in a relationship are securely attached, they know how to communicate their needs effectively. They know how to support their partner without getting drained. They know how to be vulnerable with each other and solve their problems.

When you have one partner who is securely attached and the other partner is insecure, it creates lots of problems.

Partner A constantly feels like Partner B isn’t listening to them. Partner B feels like Partner A is demanding too much of them.

Partner A pulls away after they fight. Partner B gives them the space they need, but then they ruminate over the argument.

Every couple deals with this type of situation whether they know it’s happening or not.

The 4 Attachment Styles

There are 4 main types of attachment styles. In order to understand how your relationship works, you need to learn about each of these styles.

Secure Attachment

Secure attachment is when a person is comfortable sharing their feelings with their partner. They know how to say “I love you” in a way that their partner understands. They know how to argue without resentment.

If both people in a relationship have a secure attachment style, their relationship is golden. There will be disagreements and rough patches but they will know how to navigate those challenges.

Anxious Attachment

When someone has an anxious attachment style, they have a deep fear of being abandoned. They often annoy their partner by asking them for constant reassurance. They also have a tendency to smother their partners if they feel like they aren’t getting enough attention.

Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment is the opposite of anxious attachment. People who have an avoidant attachment style tend to pull away when things get too serious.

They might shut down during arguments or struggle to say “I love you” back to their partner.

Disorganized Attachment

People who have a disorganized attachment style tend to bounce back and forth between anxious and avoidant behaviour.

Partner Whisperer therapists have experience working with all kinds of attachment styles. If you want to learn more about your partner’s attachment style or discover how yours affects your marriage, reach out for a free consultation today.

How Marriage Counseling Can Help Fix Attachment Issues

Did you know…

Research from Dr. John Gottman shows that the average couple waits 6 years before they actually seek relationship help.

Think about how many arguments, disagreements, and misunderstandings couples let pile up before they go to counseling.

That is 6 years of damaging attachment styles!

When you go to marriage counseling, you and your partner can learn how to identify each other’s attachment styles. Then, your therapist will show you how to speak to each other in a way that doesn’t trigger your partner’s insecurities.

Couples therapy Denver professionals have helped countless couples feel closer than ever. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, couples who go to marriage counseling are about 70% likely to stay together compared to 33% who don’t go.

Marriage counseling can help with your attachment issues by:

• Breaking Bad Habits: Your therapist will help you recognize destructive patterns that your attachment style feeds.
• Building your communication skills: Learn how to say what you need in ways that your partner will understand.
• Creating a safe place: Marriage counseling provides a safe environment for you and your partner to open up to each other.
• Developing a Secure Attachment: Over time your attachment style will start to shift as you and your partner learn healthier ways to connect.

Changing your attachment style won’t happen over night. But if you put the work in, you can develop a secure attachment with your partner.

Closing Thoughts

Your attachment style is the underlying cause of all of your greatest relationship successes and failures.

There are 4 types of attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized). Each attachment style plays a factor in every relationship you’ll ever be in.

The best way to learn how your attachment style affects your relationship is through marriage counseling.

You know the saying, knowledge is power? Now that you have the knowledge behind how attachment styles work in a relationship, it’s time to take action.

Partner Whisperer can help you better understand your attachment style and the impact it has on your marriage. Schedule your free consultation today and learn how we can help you and your partner develop a secure attachment.