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The following article was published in Your Health Magazine. Our mission is to empower people to live healthier.
Robert A. Fontana, L.C.S.W
Legacy and Relationships
Robert A. Fontana Marriage Therapist

Legacy and Relationships

Legacy and Relationships

A “legacy” is defined by Websters dictionary as “anything handed down from an ancestor”. The meaning often has less to do with material possession and more frequently refers to an abundance of behavioral influences both positive and negative from people in our past that affect our personality and behavior today.

Our most influential legacies are from the parents or other adult family members in close proximity to us during our childhood, whose words and actions left their powerful imprint on our formative years.

We often comfortably mimic our positive influences without even noticing. For example, if you grew up around kindness, humor, and were instructed with patience, you will use those behaviors as an adult and revere the people or person who you gladly imitate.

These behaviors are congruent with who we like to be, have served us well in all our relationships, and promote good self-esteem. Whatever characteristics we add to our identity as we go through our adult lives will most likely build on the solid foundation of our positive legacy.

But, for many, that emotional foundation supports a legacy of cracks, flaws, and gaps. The influences may have been harsh, impatient, abusive or too inconsistent to provide the childs psyche with enough positive influence to build a confident identity or meaningful relationships.

Frequently, the reason people seek individual or couples psychotherapy is due to an unrealized mimicking of detrimental behaviors originating from their legacy that affects their mental health and relationships. These behaviors often reveal how an individual is still a victim of an ineffective belief system that was passed down to them and not of their own design. Expressions like; “My father may have been an angry alcoholic but I know he loved me”, or “My parents yelled all the time so I just dont talk to my wife when Im angry”. Their distress is often caused by the inability to reveal the pain of the harsh behavior they witnessed or were subjected to, and the loss of what was not provided.

When we feel trapped by our past we naturally undermine our ability to be resilient. It may be hard to believe that our personality and identity are not cast in stone. Psychotherapy is often a road map to enhance the legacies that served you well and lay to rest respectfully those, which you need to overcome.

Positive change can be embraced.

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