Healthy Boundaries In Intimate Relationships

By Linda Ritchie, PhD

Center For Life Strategies

. http://centerforlifestrategies.com/

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Healthy Boundaries In Intimate Relationships

Successful intimate relationships are composed of two people who each have a clearly defined sense of their own identity. Without our own understanding of self, who we are, and what makes us unique, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that functions smoothly and enhances each partner.

In order to be clear and effective in the communication of our needs and desires to our partner, we need a sense of self. When each partner has a clear definition of their own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be amazing. The similarities between two people are an important aspect of a relationship but the differences contribute to the growth, excitement, and mystery.

Personal boundaries are the limits we set in relationships that allow us to protect ourselves. They come from having a good sense of one's own self-worth. Boundaries make it possible for us to separate our own thoughts and feelings from those of others and to take responsibility for what we think, feel

and do.

Healthy personal boundaries are flexible. They help us take care of ourselves while at the same time protect us from abuse and are essential in achieving true intimacy.

Developing healthy boundaries means self-acceptance and a belief that we are worthy of good things. When two people with healthy boundaries enter into an intimate relationship, they encourage wholeness, independence, and a zest for life in their partner.

They know that trust is possible and that the normal expected difficulties that occur in all intimate relationships can be worked on constructively. True intimacy and mature love requires the presence of healthy and flexible boundaries and is created by two people who are each complete as individuals.

An imbalance can occur in a relationship in which one partner becomes the rescuer and the other takes on the role of the helpless victim. In this case, the healthy boundaries which allow both partners to live complete lives are absent.

Healthy boundaries lead to respect for the other person and equality in a relationship. When one partner is in control and the other is needy and helpless, there is no room for the normal give and take of a healthy relationship.

If you are experiencing problems with establishing and keeping healthy boundaries in your intimate relationship, working with a counselor specializing in relationship issues may be of value.