Being In Between How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Can Help

By Grace Riddell, LCSW, LICSW

Grace C. Riddell, LICSW, LCSW-C, MEd

. http://www.grace-riddell.com/

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Being In Between How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Can Help

Life is change. Most of us have difficulty letting go of what is old and familiar even though it might be what we don't want. We must be willing to stand with empty hands waiting in the uncertainty of what will replace or fill them.

This may also apply to feelings such as hurt and anger, which may have become comfortably familiar. We may feel empty when we relinquish our grief and face our demons. When we feel our grief/anxiety/fear of the future, accept and then release these feelings then we are in between serenity and acceptance.

Often life does not cooperate. We exist in a trance of unworthiness that forgets what the deepest self wants. Being in between is necessary but may not be much fun. It is not the destination but the process of how we get from here to there. Life energy moves us as long as we allow it to.

As a group psychotherapist for women, I have the privilege of observing transformation in people who are learning to adapt to life changes. Some are facing divorce, death of a loved one, illness or retirement. Others are searching for meaning and fulfillment. Coping with change is a task each of us learns regardless of whether or not we like the change. Our members have found cognitive behavioral therapy to be a very helpful tool in learning how to adjust to what life throws at them. At a very basic level, the way we talk to ourselves determines our attitudes toward others and the world. This simple act can have far reaching consequences. Positive affirmations and thoughts form new neural pathways in the brain. Neurons that fire together wire together. In other words, the anger and resentment one harbors toward others and the negativity we express toward others come back like a boomerang to harm us as well. When one person yells at another, the person doing the yelling produces the same increase in cortisol as the recipient of the anger.

With the holidays approaching, family stress usually will increase. Interacting with some members stirs up feelings of shame, rage, anger, guilt and helplessness. The first step to detaching and owning our own power is to simply acknowledge our feelings. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves or another. Acceptance is the goal.