Anxiety, Ambivilence, and Acceptance

By Robert A. Fontana, L.C.S.W

Anxiety, an emotional disorder many of us will encounter in our lifetime, can take on many forms including phobias, panic attacks, excessive worry, fear and paralyzing indecisiveness. The physical distress of anxiety can feel frightening, and often entrap you in a world of fear driven reactions and inadequate solutions.

When present, anxiety redefines you and inhibits the adaptable and creative ideas your brain and personality have the capacity to achieve. It is important to seek help from a mental health professional if anxiety frequently interferes with your life.

However, anxiety is also normal and unavoidable. It is the feeling of anticipation that tells us to either run (when in danger) or move towards the fear and discover what lies ahead.

Ambivalence, the feeling of uncertainty, or having simultaneous conflicting feelings asks us to confront our anxiety and make needed decisions. With an awareness of our feelings of ambivalence we become proactive in this uncertain and imperfect world with less anxiety.

In the workplace or in relationships ambivalence, can plague us. For example, you want to leave a boring job but the salary is good and the job market is tight, or the job is exciting but you're away from your family too much.

Or when deciding on a life partner the ambivalent anxiety may say, “He's a knight in shinning armor, but he has noticeable tarnish,” or “She's a loving beauty but she'll never be as daring as him,” or “He knows she wants a child but he doesn't.” In these scenarios our anxiety asks us to learn that to move forward means accepting the reality of being unsure.

Facing ambivalence means you are willing to accept and deal with uncertainty, imperfection, compromised dreams, and potential disappointment.

Acceptance means deciding that ambivalence need not interfere with creating a plan or living with clarity. The person with the boring job decides to stay, do his best and become a more marketable employee. Scheduling family time becomes a valued pleasure enhancing personal achievement.

The loving beauty's observance of her knight's tarnish embraces his love and faithfulness, while he reinterprets her tameness as a needed influence. The ambivalent father can accept that love is often complicated and embrace the discomfort of his unwanted role.

Acceptance reduces ambivalent anxiety and frees us to make the productive decisions that create a rewarding life.