When Taking Care Of Everyone Else Becomes Too Much

By Maureen Vernon, PhD

The CARE Practice

. http://www.thecarepractice.com/

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When Taking Care Of Everyone Else Becomes Too Much

Women are often the people others turn to when something needs to be remembered, organized, fixed, discussed, or simply held together. Whether caring for children, aging parents, a spouse, friends, coworkers, or all of the above, many women become accustomed to managing not only their own responsibilities, but the emotional needs of everyone around them.

At first, this may simply feel like part of everyday life. You make the appointment, remember the birthday, check on the family member who is struggling, solve the problem at work, keep everyone’s schedules straight, and somehow find a way to get through your own list as well. Over time, however, constantly being the person everyone depends upon can become emotionally exhausting.

Stress does not always announce itself dramatically. Sometimes it appears as irritability, trouble sleeping, feeling overwhelmed by small decisions, resentment toward people you love, difficulty concentrating, or simply wanting everyone to stop needing something from you. Women may then feel guilty for having those reactions, which adds yet another emotional burden.

It is important to remember that caring about other people does not mean ignoring your own needs. Setting boundaries is not the same as being uncaring. Asking for help does not mean you have failed. And saying “I cannot do that today” does not make you selfish.

Healthy relationships require give and take. When one person continually becomes the organizer, problem-solver, peacekeeper, and emotional support system, resentment and burnout can develop. Sometimes the people around us do not even realize how much we are carrying because we have become so good at carrying it.

Begin by paying attention to what drains you. Are you automatically saying yes when you want to say no? Are you solving problems that someone else is capable of handling? Are you making yourself responsible for everyone else’s happiness? Small changes in these patterns can make a significant difference.

Psychological counseling can help women recognize unhealthy relationship patterns, communicate their needs more effectively, establish appropriate boundaries, and develop positive coping strategies for stress and anxiety. We cannot eliminate every responsibility or prevent the people we love from needing us. But we can learn to care for others without losing ourselves in the process.

Taking care of your emotional health is not one more thing to add to your list. It is what helps you manage the rest of the list with greater confidence, balance, and perspective.

Scheduling an “Emotional Check-up” now will help you maintain your personal balance.