Grief and Money: Looking After Your Mental Health While Handling a Loved One’s Affairs

By Your Health Magazine Contributor

Your Health Magazine Contributor

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Grief and Money: Looking After Your Mental Health While Handling a Loved One’s Affairs

When someone close to you dies, grief can affect your sleep, your concentration and your ability to make decisions. At the same time, there is often a long list of practical and financial tasks that cannot wait: registering the death, arranging a funeral, contacting banks and dealing with the estate.

Many bereaved people say the paperwork was one of the hardest parts of the early weeks. This article looks at why money tasks feel so draining after a loss, and how to manage them in a way that protects your wellbeing.

Why admin feels so much harder when you are grieving

Grief is not only an emotion. It can cause physical exhaustion, poor sleep, memory problems and difficulty concentrating, sometimes described as “grief brain”. Tasks you would usually handle easily, such as phone calls, forms or sorting paperwork, can suddenly feel overwhelming.

Financial admin also brings you face to face with the loss again and again. Each phone call means explaining that the person has died, and each form asks for their details. It is normal to find this upsetting, and it is not a sign that you are coping badly.

Know what needs doing now and what can wait

Not everything needs doing straight away. Separating the urgent from the non-urgent can take a lot of pressure off.

Tasks that usually need attention in the first days and weeks include:

• Registering the death. In England and Wales this should normally be done within five days of the register office receiving the medical paperwork, and in Scotland within eight days.
• Arranging the funeral, and finding out whether the person left any wishes or a funeral plan.
• Finding the will, if there is one.
• Letting government departments know. In England, Scotland and Wales, the Tell Us Once service  lets you report a death to most government organisations in one go.
• Securing the person’s home and belongings.

Other tasks, such as closing accounts, cancelling subscriptions, applying for probate and sorting through possessions, can often wait a few weeks while you get your bearings.

Break tasks into small, manageable steps

A long to-do list can feel impossible when you are exhausted. Breaking it down helps.

• Write everything down in one notebook or document, so you are not relying on memory.
• Aim for one or two tasks a day rather than trying to clear the list in one go.
• Keep a folder for death certificates, letters and account details, and note who you have contacted, when and any reference numbers.
• Ask for several copies of the death certificate when you register the death, as many organisations need to see one.
• Schedule difficult calls for a time of day when you tend to have more energy.

Share the load

You do not have to do everything yourself. Family members or close friends can often take on specific tasks, such as notifying utility companies or collecting post. If you are the executor of a will, you can still ask others for practical help, even though the legal responsibility stays with you.

Many banks and building societies have specialist bereavement teams, and some industry services let you notify several organisations at once. When you are ready to deal with the person’s accounts, Compare the Market has a step-by-step guide to handling bank accounts, debts, insurance policies and the estate. A solicitor can handle the estate administration if it feels too much, or if the estate is complicated. Ask about fees upfront so there are no surprises.

Watch out for scams and pressure

Bereaved people are sometimes targeted by scammers, including fake debt collectors and people claiming to be from a bank or government department. Do not pay money or share personal details in response to an unexpected call, email or letter. Contact the organisation directly using a number you have found yourself.

Try to avoid making major financial decisions, such as selling a house or moving money into new investments, until you feel steadier. Most of these decisions can wait, and many bereavement charities advise holding off on big changes in the first few months where you can.

Look after your own health

When you are focused on practical tasks, it is easy to neglect yourself. Small things help:

• Try to keep regular meals, even simple ones.
• Get outside for a short walk each day if you can.
• Build in breaks between difficult tasks, and stop when you have had enough.
• Limit alcohol, which can disrupt sleep and make low mood worse.
• Accept offers of help with cooking, shopping or childcare.

When to get extra support

Grief has no set timeline, and there is no right way to feel. But if you are struggling to function day to day, feel unable to cope or are having thoughts of harming yourself, speak to your GP or contact a support service.

Cruse Bereavement Support offers free support to anyone who has been bereaved, and Samaritans is available day and night if you need to talk. Talking to someone outside the situation, whether a counsellor, a support group or a friend who listens, can help you work through both the grief and the pressure of the practical tasks.

Handling a loved one’s affairs is one of the last things you can do for them. Taking it slowly, asking for help and looking after yourself along the way is not neglecting that responsibility. It is how most people get through it.