Want to Make a Major Personal Change? This Will Help You Get Started!

By Jennifer Beall, LCPC, LCADC

Jennifer Beall Psychotherapy

. http://jenniferbeallpsychotherapy.com/

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Want to Make a Major Personal Change? This Will Help You Get Started!

A former coworker of mine (who is, incidentally, from Ireland) told me a joke once A tourist in Ireland approaches a local person and asks him how to get to Dublin, to which the local replies, “Well, I wouldn't start from here!”
That's a problem many of us have; when we want to make major changes in our lives we're not willing to “start from here.” If we're not able to accept ourselves as we are, it can be difficult, if not impossible, to make the changes we want to make.
So why can't we accept ourselves? Because our identities get tied up in the things we don't like about ourselves. If you're forty pounds overweight, chances are you don't look at yourself and think, “Wow, I really like myself. I'm a wonderful person! But I would like to weigh less, so I think I'll do something about it.” No, you probably look at yourself and think, “Look how fat I am! I'm a horrible person!” Instead of seeing yourself as a worthwhile person who needs to lose some weight, you see the extra weight as evidence that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.
The same sort of thing can happen if you make a mistake. There is a difference between making a mistake and being a mistake, but many people confuse the two. Someone who has a healthy self-image and makes a mistake takes responsibility for the mistake and then lets it go. Someone with low self-esteem, on the other hand, is likely to see the mistake as yet another piece of evidence that she is a failure.
So, how do you start to improve your self-image? Try not to define yourself by characteristics that you dislike; make a point of noticing the things that you like about yourself or that you do well. Try to look at yourself and others more realistically. Remember that we all have flaws, we all make mistakes, and no one is good at everything; it's likely that those people who seem to have it all together are feeling less self-confident than they look. When you see the “larger than life” people on TV and in the movies that are thin, beautiful, self-confident, and seemingly never make mistakes, keep in mind that they are representations of the people we wish we could be. A quick glance at any tabloid will show you that the celebrities we so admire are often not nearly as happy as we would expect.
The way you talk to yourself is important. Be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself, and you can change but only if you're willing to “start from here.”