Your Addiction Hurts Others

By Kathi Whitten, LCSW

People struggling with alcoholism, drug abuse, or any other addiction, often feel they are the only ones impacted by it. They don't realize that their addiction affects many people, not just themselves.

Even when the drinking, drugging, excessive shopping, gambling, porn, overeating, internet addiction, etc., occurs in private, the effects are more widely felt. People can, to a certain extent, “hide” an addiction but not the fall-out from it.

Some addictions (especially drinking, using illegal or prescription drugs) have lingering physical effects that render the person unable to do many things responsibly (drive, help with family needs, competently perform on the job, etc). Most addictions are time consuming and expensive, and use money and energy that sometimes would have gone to family or other needs.

People around the addicts, who often feel helpless in the situation, frequently become angry and are very often hurt. Addicts don't let themselves hear their comments and complaints or convince themselves that statements from others are exaggerated.

This can begin a downward turn to relationships, as others are often exhausted from trying to get the addict to see the consequences of their behaviors. They may withdraw, become depressed, or chronically angry or go into their own form of denial. They may feel as trapped by the addiction as the addict does. Relationships become strained, partly because the addict has created a whole new relationship to their addiction of choice.

Adults can tell partners or friends how they feel; however, children can't do that. But they suffer when their parents are not emotionally or physically present to do things with (or for) them. Worst of all, of course, is when children are witness to or victims of abuse that is related to the out-of-control behaviors of their parents (or other adults). They have no way to stop violence on their own.

When partners, whole families, or even more extended networks like everyone in an office setting are affected by one person's addiction, they sometimes fall into denial (much as an addict often does) hence the term “co-dependent.”

Often professional help is needed to address the primary addiction itself, as well as the damage that has occurred over time to family and other relationships. Of course denial is a classic symptom of addiction, so it is often the family who seeks the help in the first place. Most treatment is aimed at the addict, but for the best recovery the whole family should be involved.