Does Your Son Know the Routine By Now?

By Grant Schafer, LCSW

When you receive that blank stare of expression/eye-roll/shrug, etc. from your son, it probably has a good deal of emotion wrapped up in it. You have presumably just voiced a loaded statement, full of your frustration with him. A few things to ask yourself before going forward

Have I instructed my son on how to perform the desired routine? We know that boys tend to be more active and visual learners than girls, however, most boys need modeling. They need someone to literally sit with them. Whether it is study time and you sit at the same study table as your son, or you do house cleaning right along with him? Your son may learn best by kinesthetically participating. Before we can expect answers, we must instruct.
Have I set a realistic timeline? As the parent/adult your role is to set the boundaries. It is the funnel of responsibility. The narrow end of the funnel is where your child begins, narrowly guided by you. As actions meet words and results are shown, then the funnel becomes wider. Increased freedom is earned by increased responsibility. Timelines for completion, expectations, and incentives are parts of the discussion that your son can be involved in as he demonstrates his ability to handle increased responsibility. Responsibility + Trust = Freedom.
Will I allow the natural consequences to occur? This is all about follow through. Do you stick with what you say? Watching your son procrastinate through the morning and be late to school is difficult. As is him receiving his first detention or school consequence for his tardiness.
Adolescents typically do not change behavior because they see the light. Behavioral change, for all of us, is caused by feeling the heat. Now is the time to feel that heat. In a caring, loving environment where he can feel and see you behind him. The key is be behind him, not in front of him clearing the way of any discomfort or pain he may feel due to his choices and actions.