Effectiveness Of Couples Counseling

By Sherry Hoover, MA, LPC

Why Do We Need Couples Counseling?

Couples counseling, relationship or marriage therapy, whatever you want to call it, can be effective in our modern lives. No matter how long you have been in a relationship, being in counseling together is helpful in breaking unhealthy patterns and helping a couple get out of the rut. Relationships and marriages have evolved from just the traditional definition into your own personal philosophies of what works for you as a couple. Sometimes a couple gets stuck and needs some guidance from a therapist who is one step removed from the relationship.

The amount of time most couples wait before seeking help averages at around six years after the beginning of an unresolved issue. By this time, other areas of the relationship have begun to suffer due to lingering resentments. An unhealthy pattern of negative communication (both verbal and nonverbal) can lead to a disconnect; which affects intimacy, respect, and the bonds of a relationship.

Breaking Unhealthy Patterns

Overtime, these negative patterns can become your new way of communicating, which continues the cycle.

Not fighting fair nitpicking, nagging, and name calling

Withdrawing or withholding from one another losing the couple into the role of parents or family, having emotional and/or physical affairs with another person

Lack of intimacy both physical and emotional, which is the blueprint for a healthy relationship

Stop having fun together do not go out on dates or trying new things to grow as a couple

Distrust this can be carried over from past unresolved relationships into current ones

Lack of respect for the other person In personal, family, or professional roles, not accepting them as they are, trying to

change them

Negative communication minimal talking, unable to tease each other, statements are interpreted as personal attacks

Benefits Of Couples Counseling

As individuals and couples, we evolve every decade or so. The trick is to evolve together with ever changing values and goals. The therapist can act as a mediator and referee if needed, but the ultimate goal of couples counseling is to teach the tools that are needed to help build and maintain a healthy, respectful, and loving relationship.