Dating For Beginners: 7 Tips To Start

By Rochelle Thompson, PsyD

1. Leave Out The Expectations

When you are used to your own “type” you will think that a new person you just met is supposed to look, smell or be a certain way that you have made up in your own mind, and you’ll miss the opportunity to enjoy what is in front of you. Yes, be clear on your must-haves in a man or woman, and deal-breakers – but have an open mind along the way.

2. Have Fun

Cut out the idea of going out to date solely to get married. It is entirely too much pressure on you, to be perfect. Let your hair down, keep things light, and keep all good vibes, because time is something that you don’t get back.

3. Be Present

You must take the process of getting to know people when you are dating. Put the phone down, and let your mind be in the moment, and be appreciative to share time and space with another person in such a busy world.

4. Learn Something About Yourself

We can easily learn a lot about what we don’t and do want in a spouse, but we hardly ever have the time to analyze the things that we need to look at within ourselves. When you are dating, it is always good to leave with a take-away on how you can become a better person. Is there something about your attitude you can change? Are you an active listener?

5. Do Not Over-Analyze

Do you talk yourself through how you will greet a person, what tone you would use, etc.? Do you overthink outfit choices, wondering what they will like, and how they will perceive you? It only really matters that you think you look great. If you feel great and comfortable, then the person you are with will have to accept it or not. Just be yourself. You will not be for everyone, and that is a-okay!

6. No Comparisons

Do not compare your dates to your exes. Do not bring up the things that your exes did or did not do. No one wants to hear that on the first few dates. If you experience something different and better, just note that it is refreshing. If you experience something that is very similar to red flags you have picked up on before, just note that this person doesn’t need a second date, and move on.

7. Trust the Process

Take a breath, and don’t apply any pressure. Just because you reach a certain age, doesn’t mean that you should hurry to date and have children. Real relationships unfold when there is no ego involved. The right person will come along when you are in the right state of mind, and you put forth the right amount of effort. You have to be committed to working on yourself.