Communication Break Down

By Lynn L. West, PhDc, BCETS, LCPC

Lynn L. West & Associates, LLC

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Communication Break Down

Have you ever thought you and someone else were in complete agreement with each other on a particular subject, and then all of sudden an unexpected point in question related to one person's position occurs, resulting in disharmony? The issue creates an emotional reaction of fear often resulting in conflict.

Often, understanding or knowing whether each other's views are or are not in agreement is a judgment based on a perception taken to be true, before there is actual proof. Things that have to be taken into consideration are the intention of both parties, integrity, and veracity of character traits.

Did you know that people use the same words to communicate with each other, but have a different meaning of those words and different intentions of wanting to be in a relationship? You think you are perfectly clear in what you are stating to someone else. But that is a complete assumption that is not based on fact unless you have vetted the truth.

Instead of examining the reason where the breakdown occurred, the breakdown is blamed on “needing to communicate better with each other.” Although this is true, points of argument or contention frequently focus on what someone said or cite the use of words that were spoken and interpreted to mean something, when the precise meaning of words was never spoken about when the agreement was forged.

Foundational evidence has to be found as to why the breakdown occurred. Instead of going back and clarifying why there is a an issue with what was previously considered to be in agreement, the offended person will react emotionally and may attempt to restore balance to their position in the relationship by attempting to coerce or influence the imbalance of the relationship by using emotional manipulation, fear, and intimidation. This only works temporarily, if at all.

Fear is an emotional reaction that sets into motion compulsive behaviors as a compensating or coping response to avoid psychological pain and interpersonal tension.

Compulsive behavior is a biological process that set off by unconscious painful emotions you are not aware of. Put your attention on what is inside of you that caused you to react. Stop looking outside yourself for what triggered that anger in you this time. This is about a reaction inside of you to your own fear. You have to heal the fear.