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Acceptance Is Key
When we look at so many of the issues we are struggling with, be it our weight, finances, relationships or workplace drama, we can usually find one common denominator lack of acceptance.
Yet acceptance does not come instantly or easily. It is actually the final stage of the grieving process, which starts with denial. If we are somehow jolted out of denial, our anger emerges. We can feel anger at what we have lost, what cannot be, and how unfair it can feel. The more integral the loss to our identity, such as a loved one or a job, the larger and longer the grieving process. Perhaps we were never “allowed” to grieve as children-our feelings were not validated or we were shown to not cry or acknowledge loss. It simply wasnt safe to be vulnerable.
After we have worked through and felt our anger, we then may begin the “bargaining” stage where we may do the if-only scenarios in our mind. Or, we may try to overcompensate in another area of our life. After this depression often sets in, with the realization that there is nothing we can do to undo the loss. Acceptance comes after we have worked through this process, each in our own time.
Most of us do not want to grieve, since it can be scary, gut-wrenching and feel like a black hole that we will never come out of, so we put it off. We can distract, disown, medicate, shift our focus or stay stuck in the anger stage so that we don have to hurt, because we imagine we simply cannot live through feeling that kind of pain. If we accept reality, then we have to live with the truth. We also may have to then change the way we see ourselves and those around us.
Denying the truth about anything around us prevents us from making any positive changes in our life. Until we can accept what is, we cannot do anything with it. We cannot truly bring about good change until we embrace where we actually are. For, if we tend to minimize the issue or try to ignore it, we have no true starting point. It has been said that if we have chronic difficulties in certain areas of our lives, it is probably because we havent accepted reality in those areas.
It can be helpful to realize that we will not fall apart if we grieve rather we will be renewed and then can let in the new. If we truly accept what we will no longer have be it the job, the friendship, the loving family, then we can begin to address what we need to change and grow.
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