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The following article was published in Your Health Magazine. Our mission is to empower people to live healthier.
Lynn L. West, PhDc, BCETS, LCPC
Relationships Communication Conflicts
Lynn L. West & Associates, LLC

Relationships Communication Conflicts

If you are struggling with a communication conflict, it may be that you are assuming the other person means something completely different than what you hear. Or conversely, that your words are clear in conveying what you mean to the other person, when this is an assumption on both of your parts.

Understanding between people comes from the facts being conveyed. Often, problems arise when one or both individuals assume that the words being spoken are understood exactly the same way by both people, when they are not. This becomes a problem of translation rather than a problem with lack of communication.

Many people blame lack of communication as the problem, when in fact the words used to impart information are insufficient to make clear what is meant and to bring into agreement an understanding between all parties involved of what is intended. It is usually “what is not said” that causes complications. Understanding comes from agreement of facts from what was discussed, not from assuming one knows what the other person means.

An example of this occurred on a recent episode of Bering Sea Gold. A father and son team illustrated this point. Father, the Captain, gives commands to do tasks by stating, “Go do such and such.” The son, who is inexperienced, asks his impatient father for more specific guidance. The Captain gets angry and explodes, saying, “Figure it out.” What the father doesn't say, is that he expects the task to be accomplished the way he would do it.

Thus problems between the father and son lead to continuous clashes because of what is not said. The son dutifully tries to follow his father's commands. However, he always fails because he does not have the experience to accomplish the tasks the way his father expects them to be done, although the father could not or would not articulate what his son needs to do to perform the task the way he wants it done.

Expecting someone else to see the world through your eyes is an assumption that frequently leads to an argument or a disappointment. If you have ever had an experience where you expected someone to do something and were amazed they did not do it the way you thought they should have done it, you are using an assumption. Instead, say what you mean, mean what you say, and make sure that your meaning is clearly understood by the other person before anyone acts on anything.

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