Resolute Change At the Core

By Kenni Walker, LPC, MS, MBA

So you've set the resolution. You're going to the gym, you've eaten better, and you're eating more sporadically. But something is still not right. You don't feel “resolved” in the new goals you set for yourself this year, let alone pushing forward with your behavior. In fact, you feel detached from these goals and in a sense, they are lovely words floating on paper or that you have typed into your phone.

At this point you start questioning the merit of your resolution(s) and begin second guessing the purpose for them anyway. You may be asking yourself questions like, “What's the point in making this proposed change in my life?” or “What real good it is going to do for me?”

The real question you are asking yourself, “Is the change that I'm proposing to make worth the hard work that it's going to take to yield true benefit to my life in a way that will enhance the quality enough to support a higher sense of self-satisfaction?” While self-questioning is a valid and useful tool for growth, just like anything, it can be misused and underutilized.

If we are not getting to why we made the resolution or goal in the first place, we have set ourselves up for eminent failure. We have not built in any motivating factors to support our goal. Ask yourself “Why is this goal so important for me to meet?”

The “why” must be shaped and molded by you and you only. Not defined by society, your family or your significant other. If the motivating supports to our goal do not have significant meaning to you at your core, the goal or resolution itself is not aligned with your core self.

Real change is made when the core self is moved to do so. If you have made a goal to lose weight this year, ask yourself, why?

Examining your beliefs and values is a first step in making the proper analysis. For example, losing weight could be motivationally supported by core values such as determination for a better quality of life, prolonging valuable time with loved ones, demonstrating ability to control eating impulsions, and better coping with unpleasant emotions. These are examples of a “why” that provides real motivation.

True motivation comes from within your core, not externally.