Ever Heard Of Twilight Living?

By Kathleen Doman, Community Care Manager

Options for Senior America

. http://www.optionscorp.com/

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Ever Heard Of Twilight Living?

Twilight living begins when a person is diagnosed with a serious disease. It is the precious, sweet time between diagnosis and death; a time of transition. It can happen at any age and last for hours or many years.
Caregivers actually begin grieving not when their loved one dies, but rather the day their loved one is diagnosed. They begin grieving the loss of their own life as they know it, but frequently fail to acknowledge that fact.
Daily, during the relatively short period of twilight; most of us conclude our work day, commute home, prepare and eat dinner, socialize with family and friends, attend to our personal finances, prepare for the next day, and look forward to sleep. We are typically busier than any other time of day. We are typically the most fatigued, yet we accomplish so much because we are compelled to complete desired tasks before the day ends. It is our time to do what we need and what we want to do.
During the time of twilight living, the person who is diagnosed is similarly compelled to complete what they need and what they want to do before the end of his or her life. Many times this can cause anxiety or depression, especially when energy levels have dwindled and pain or discomfort has set in. They are accustomed to doing what they want, when they want, and not be dictated to by other people's schedules and opinions. Frequently they don't want help, or they don't feel they need help. Of course, those who love them or well-meaning professionals rightfully want to help.
When I began my journey as a caregiver, I was four years old and too young to be the decision-maker. I was a helper, an extra pair of hands to empty catheter bags, spoon-feed meals and carry laundry up and down stairs. It might sound as if I was a servant, but that's not how I felt. I adored my grandfather and tried to figure out ways I could tickle him.
How different my life would have been if an adult professional care provider had been enlisted then. Perhaps, I could have spent more time learning from my grandfather rather than doing for him and perhaps what I learned would have helped me tickle my children as he had such a loving heart and was incredibly knowledgeable on a vast variety of topics.
I share all of this because although we feel compelled to care for our loved ones personally during their twilight living, it usually isn't the best choice. We need to spend our time with our loved ones talking, sharing, exchanging rather than simply attending to necessary activities. In my opinion, the activities of daily living should be provided by a professional caregiver. Fifty years ago when my grandmother and I were caring for Papa, there was no one to call for help. Thankfully, now there is.