Aisha Washington, Certified Senior Advisor
Loving Home Care

Articles - Special

    How do you tell your elderly mom that you’re worried about her living alone? How do you talk to dad about his driving abilities?  How do you ask Grandma if she leaves the stove on?
    Having family conversations about these topics can be hard, but an AARP survey found that most parents feel better about having this kind of discussion.  By knowing their wishes, you’ll be better able to help your parents live life the way they wish.

    One of these ways may help to break the ice for you and your family:
•    I know you’re taking lots of pills. How do you keep track of them? Would a pill organizer from the drug store help you?
•    Mom, I’m worried that you seem to be unsteady on your feet. I’m wondering how I can help protect you from falls.
•    Gramps, after you said last week that you had trouble turning the handles on the water faucets, I wondered how you were managing with the shower.
•    You’ve always been so independent, Dad. I imagine it’s now hard for you to ask for help. Is it?

    Some resistance to talking about independence is normal. Respect your parents’ feelings if they make it clear they want to avoid a subject and only push the issue if health or safety is at risk.  Act firmly, but with compassion and involve people your parents respect, such as a minister, or a family friend. Make sure your parents feel involved by listening and recognizing their opinions and their right to make decisions. Consider services to help a parent remain independent, such as home care or meal delivery.

    Guessing your parents’ wishes for their future can lead to bad mistakes and hard feelings, ask them instead:
•    Where they live: Can you still manage the stairs? Would making some simple home modification help?
•    Everyday activities: Do you need help with running the house and doing chores?
•    Mobility: Can you get to your doctor visits? Is driving getting hard?
•    Health: What health problems do you have?  Do you need help remembering when to take your pills? What kind of health insurance do you have? Do you have long-term care insurance? Do you have questions about Medicare?
•    Money: Do you need help getting government or pension benefits? Do you want your Social Security direct deposited? Is all your financial information in one place?

    Talking to parents doesn’t mean you are “parenting” them. Be prepared to let your parents make their own choices, even if you don’t agree with them. As long as they are not impaired with Alzheimer’s or other dementia, your parents have the right to make their own decisions. Growing older does not give up that right.